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Sunday, 15 June 2008

Wow. Forgot how much fun this can be.
Hidden.
Secretive.
Or maybe not anymore.
*is scared*
:-x

Wednesday, 07 September 2005

So now he wants me back?

It has been about seven months.
It took me like two months to get over him.

And now, I'm reading his blogs... I am fairly certain he speaks of me...
Misses me?
Offered to take me to a concert?

"...I'm starting to yearn."

So now I am starting to think of him again.
Why!

Which brings me to:
Is it worth it, to go after something that was soooo good the first time... even though the break up was so hard.

"Breaking up with you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't think I could do it again."

Is a chance at that kind of bliss worth the risk of that magnitude of heartache?
Gah, I think it would be great...
...if we were able to ease into it...

Get outta my head!

Friday, 26 August 2005

Yuck.
What was going on there.
And I can say the same about me later.
What.ever.

Andy is so hot.
His character Bobby was increadibly sexy.
I wanted to sex him up right nice.
(I enjoy being able to just say it.)"
Cute "Metrosexual" borderline homosexual dancer man.
YUM!

Also yum: Jonathan.
The bisexual, bends in ways that no human should be able to dancer man.
But more him, less of Victor.
Adorable.
Two ladies.
So much yum.
Good thing I didn't discover him until we closed!

Gah.
Andy is almost engaged... and Jon is all... into guys.
What is with that?!

I am all about crushin on the older guys.
What.ever.

Maybe I can find myself a hot, super-sexy dancer guy.
Wouldn't that be marvelous?

Dee dee dee dee deeee: Two Ladies!

Tuesday, 07 June 2005

It has been two weeks of shooting.
I have gotten pretty close to everyone on set... well- I feel comfortable around them at least.

I am still crushing on Adam...
...and he is crushing on Liz.
Grr.
Everyone.
Always.
Liz.
Crushing.
Crushed.
I am.
Because.
Grr.

Everyone pairing up.
Liz and Adam.
Lauren and Kevin.
Savanna and Austin.
Kristi and Zack.
Ash and no-one.
...Mike flirts with me a little, so I flirt back with him... but I don't have a crush on him.
Today Liz told me that Adam told her he is in the same club I am in.
Crazy.
He. Is. So. Hot.
Yet, to him I'm nothing.
Sadness.

[He seemed to give a genuine smile today, by the end. I may have ripped it off his face when I "pressed my boobs up against him." as I said. Embarassment... or a look of "that is inappropriate, and I disapprove." Ugh. ...I realize you cannot make people like you. But you can still wish they would. In my head, he is intimidated by my beauty. An not intimidated by her crass behavior, and shortness. I pull these words out of my ass, to make myself feel better. Less lonely.]

Look at me!
I crave attention.
And so does she.
Rival.
Unwarranted... unwanted.

I don't struggle... until I see his face.
I don't fantasize... until I hear him speak.
I don't lose myself... until I get lost in his beauty.
I quickly retreat.
Wounded.
Everytime I see his face, my heart drops.
His smile sends it right back into place.
Nausea kicks in.
Goofy me.

Yeah, guess you can tell I am crushing. I am banging out the poetry.
Oh well.
At least good writing can come from it.

Why does the 25-year-old, brilliant, v, writer, director have to be in love with the flirty, rauncy, loud-mouthed chick who has a boyfriend?
And why does the twenty-year-old, v, quiet, theatre techie girl fall for the brilliance of that guy?
Even though flirty chick knows techie girl likes the brilliant guy, she flirts with him anyway... because that is what she does...
...and once shy brilliant guy is starting to open up to flirty chick... ignoring the techie girl.
But amongst all this: what about flirty-girl's boyfriend?

Friday, 20 May 2005

I got my fix of Adam today.

Lauren and I were working today.
We were shooting the pictures to use for the posters.
I called Adam.

Hey where are you?
At my house, we are rehearsing... why?
Lauren and I want to drop by to take a picture of you, it will only take a few minutes.
Uhhh... what for?
haha... for one of the posters.
Oh okay. Do you want me to wear anything... specific?
Yes, please wear something. ...but if you want, we can take those pictures later.
(laughter on both ends)

We got there.
Posed him.
Look defeated.
.The world champion doesn't have emotion.
You aren't the world champion.
(And a puppy-dog look of sorrow)
(I run my fingers down his hair, as I step out of frame.)
Click.

Someone asks if we wanted to get the ones with the shirt off now.
I told Adam that we could take care of that later. Just he and I.
(funny poses.... kinda hot)

It is time to leave... or would be if Lauren hadn't forgotten her keys!
We must go back in for them.
I tell Adam that I left them on purpose so I could come back and see him. (that would have been clever.)
He claims it isn't the first time he's heard that.
(I run my nails down his back, when he turns away from me.)

I was kinda proud of how flirty I was with him.
He liked it.
I could tell.

I met Austin today.
He is playing Noah.
He is a cutie!
Love. His. Teeth.
(First thing he said to me was a compliment, so I like him. lol... he said something about my hair... it is pretty, or he liked it... something.)

I think Lauren said something about how she noticed that I was flirting with Adam.
That is cool.
Lauren is pretty hip.
I like her.
And I really like working with her.
...flirting with Adam was fun.
Ah, I cannot miss seeing him tomorrow.... not just to see him, but I really want to know what he thinks of the work we did on the poster designs.
Especially the one where I am the world champion, and he is defeated.
I think that one looks cool.
I am looking kinda toned, and not naked.
Good stuff.

Dammit.
Foot is asleep.
Mind needs to follow suit.

Damn I am going to look forward to going to the shoots... the director is sooo sexy!
YUM.